you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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