the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
