her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You need a sexual gate keeper
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
