shes about as inviting as chlamydia
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
