new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
