my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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