Cold hands, warm shart.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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