oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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