Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need to calm my uterus...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
