We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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