bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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