sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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