why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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