Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
