He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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