so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
