can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
