This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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