if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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