I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize