The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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