Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
