I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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