Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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