Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
