So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
