At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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