no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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