even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
