i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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