I'm jealous of your bromance
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
