Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
