Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
