I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
