I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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