Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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