Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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