We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
