careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
