By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
