I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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