I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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