Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
