Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
