Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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