ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
