How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
