Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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