HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
