Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
