i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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