Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
