I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
