I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
