I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
