I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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