the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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