Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
