my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
