walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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