my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
