It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
