but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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