Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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