And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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