Ambien. No doubt about it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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