FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
