I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my being single is dangerous.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
