For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
