Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
