Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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