its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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