it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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