Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
