none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
