Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
