Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
